Have you ever made a huge decision, uprooted your and other people’s lives, decided to go back, and felt too embarrassed to tell anyone?
That’s what happened to me last week, and it’s why I didn’t email. Plus I was too busy cleaning the apartment I rented in Fredericton, getting blood tests, and preparing to drive across Canada. Again.
Long story short: I’m going back to BC. The slightly longer—and much more interesting—story is in How I Knew I Had to Leave: 5 Signs It’s Time to Move On.
Even though I feel a little foolish, I have no regrets. There are no mistakes! I loved my time in Fredericton, and am grateful for the experience. It was a gift, a blessing, and a joy to be there.
And it’s a gift, joy and blessing to be going home again. Especially since I love being on the road 🙂
With a snowy wave from Saskatchewan,
P.S. Saskatchewan is my favourite province to drive through. It’s the Land of the Living Skies; I’m enchanted by the spacious, open, “anything is possible” feel of the prairies.
Hi dear Laurie,
Thanks for your good posts and for your brave spirit!!
Regarding “I was too embarrassed to tell you”… Laurie, i managed to think that uprooting my husband’s and my life and the lives of the many geriatric rescue cats and dogs we had.. and moving to India.. was a good idea. This move was a couple of years in the planning with a few trips back and forth from NY to Andhra Pradesh. I thot i was madly in love with India.. which is that strange phenomenon of simultaneously loving and hating India. After all was finished here, and “final” trip to India, i wasn’t there two minutes and i fell apart. I ‘suddenly’ knew that i could not live there.
My husband was in Ohio spending what would be the last visits with his family; his father died while there. I in the meantime was trying desperately to get out of India and home to NY.. which was a confusion in itself as i had just spent the last years trying to get to India. It was a ruthless ending of the love affair with India.
When first arriving home, like you, i felt so embarrassed to let anyone know i was there.. to expose that this entire ‘move to India for good’ episode suddenly was changed. I felt badly about it, embarrassed!!, but interestingly i found that others had a more difficult time with my ‘changing my mind’.. there were so many comments of “you can’t just make a decision and change it”…??!! Between my own embarrassment and the prompting of others that encouraged my thots of “was this a huge mistake.. again!!”, i found that i lost all sense of “it is not only alright to change, it is liberating”. Thankfully my nice husband would speak up and say “we are adventurous, we like to try different things, we had a great experience and now we are on to a new one”…
Thank you for being a lovely voice here.. and for caring about the animals…
Wishing you many blessings of joy!
Thank you for sharing your story, Carol! Wow, what a huge life change – both moving to India and changing your mind. I’d much rather have made a decision like that and tried it, versus being too afraid or anxious to test it out. I’m proud of you.
I may steal your husband’s words. “I’m adventurous, I like to try different things, I had a great experience and learned a lot, and now I’m on to a new one.” Love it!