A million things are worse than being alone! I’ve spent the last five Christmas holidays by myself. It’s much, much worse to be in a relationship—or surrounded by family and friends—and feel lonelier and sadder than when you’re by yourself.
The Christmas season in particular often brings feelings of loss, sadness and nostalgia for the way things were. We’re lonely for relationships we lost, and even for relationships we wish we had. I’ve spent the holiday season alone for several years – even when I was married – and am alone again this Christmas.
As I mentioned last week in The Heart Has Reasons, I’m house and cat sitting for a friend in Flagstaff, Arizona. On Boxing Day I start another house sitting stint in Phoenix! I’m thrilled; for months I’ve been wondering how to find housesitting gigs, and now they’re finding me.
Here’s what’s worse then being alone at Christmas: causing your own suffering by refusing to accept people and circumstances for what they are. Also by putting more pressure, guilt and shame on yourself than anyone else would ever do.
I’ve done both for years, but no more. I’m tired of being my own worst enemy.
If you’re alone (or feel alone) this Christmas
In Spending the Holidays Alone? How to Cope With Loneliness on Christmas I share how I’ve learned to deal with feeling like an outcast during the warmest, happiest, familiest season of all.
Here’s one of the comments on that video:
“I find myself alone in my mid 50’s, and questioning a lot where I am in my life. At times I overthink things and start reflecting on my life. Did I make the right choices? I can think way too much and put too much pressure on myself.”
That’s exactly what I mean about causing our own suffering and being our own worst enemy! Sometimes we put so much pressure and guilt on ourselves that we spiral down into self-hatred, shame and pity.
Give yourself a gift. Learn how to live with the river of negative thoughts and beliefs that cause suffering. Root yourself in self-acceptance and love.
That’s the best part of being alone during the holidays: time and space to unwrap and explore the gifts of freedom, peace, and joy. It’s work, no doubt about it, but the rewards are priceless.
With love,
Laurie
P.S. If you’d rather read than watch a video, you might find comfort in Christmas Grief: How to Cope During the Holiday Season.
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I think your doing a great job with this
I too understand things in life it’s hard for me
My husband asked for a divorce the week of our 23 anniversary and my birthday was coming up
It hurt so bad theb he asked for a separation
I hid from my feelings I work at a ranch so I was struggling with all these feelings emotions
Then the day of our anniversary he said he wanted to get back so I agreed to
It’s just been hard when you feel your feelings opinions don’t count he’s nice to me if I don’t have any feelings or if I just let him cheat all though he denys it says he doesn’t know how the dating site tinde4 got on his phone
Things are hard your emails videos seem to help me through things
Leslie, thank you for sharing your heart here. What a painful, difficult season you’ve been going through! So much confusion, uncertainty, and pain. You’ve been with your husband for so long, and it’s heartbreaking to have turmoil and conflict when you just want peace and love.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. May you and he find new ways to connect, and be able to grow forward together. If that’s not possible, may you find peace as you follow an unexpected path in your life.
With love,
Laurie