The other night a huge white moose chased me through three dreams. In the third dream I was running on a snowbank along a partially frozen river. I could hear the buck breathing and gaining on me; the riverbank was getting steeper and more treacherous.
I couldn’t keep running. I stopped, took a deep breath, and turned to face him.
The moose’s antlers towered above me. His nostrils flared, his was voice deep and rumbly. “You are going to die!”
Fear shot through me. I almost turned and started running again. But then I got quiet. I went inside myself and found no desire to flee or fight.
“Okay,” I said. “Kill me. I’m ready.”
“No.” He shook his head slowly. “First you have to write this.”
He gave me a book. On the cover was an old man and a young boy sitting on a dock, fishing. It was a beautiful summer day.
Then he came back
Driving through Ontario a few days later, a pickup truck passed me. In the back—the cargo bed—was a huge dead moose. His antlers and head rested above the back door of the truck; I could see his velvety nose and big lips. His body filled the whole cargo bed. His long legs stuck straight up in the air, his hooves as big as a Clydesdale’s.
The moose did what he came to do. And now he is gone.
Facing your worst nightmare
When I emailed you last week (I Was Too Embarrassed to Tell You), I realized yet again that if I face my fears sooner rather than later, I have more energy, strength and time. I’m not depleted from running, denying, resisting or begging God to take the problem away.
Facing my white moose didn’t just remind me to face my fears, it also showed me that sometimes what we think are our worst nightmares are actually messengers. They come to tell us it’s time to do something more meaningful, important and fulfilling. They challenge us. They help us grow further into our faith, peace, compassion and joy.
What’s your worst nightmare? Maybe it’s an angel in disguise.
Speaking of bad dreams…
Losing someone we love—or being left or rejected by a partner—is a nightmare for many of us. One of my most popular blog posts is When He Says “I’m Not in Love With You Anymore”.
In “I Love You, But I’m in Love With Her” | When the Truth Breaks Your Heart, Byron Katie helps a man resolve his painful feelings about loving two women at the same time. It’s one of my favorite Katie conversations. It reminds me how important it is to say what’s true for me, and to let go of my need to try to control what people think and say about me.
Sometimes the truth—or a nightmare that comes true—breaks our heart. And then, if we go within and find our true source of being, we are set free.